On my way

Alright so let me just cut to it, in the past month I have been on some medication that my dr had me on to help me through the back pain, & severe pain from kidney stones and it made me gain 15+ pounds. I have slowly weaned off and it's been almost 2 weeks now. I am making sure to drink lots of water as this has been a very big struggle for me in the past, I have also started oil pulling for a few weeks now, which just those 2 things alone have helped me tremendously. Just this past week I added green smoothies to the mix, consisting of spinage, kale, berries, ice, almond milk and a bannana. Discipline has always been a problem for me, I'm just a very unorganized, all over the place person who was use to functioning in auto pilot, so much so my brain was never really processing things the way it really should. It's been like that for more than several years now. Well with these small changes I've been slowly incorporating in to my regimen I have decided I might just be becoming disciplined enough that I can start a real weight loss journey. The biggest thing that usually holds me back is the fear of failure, because this pain has been such an overwhelming battle with my day-day health it's so hard to commit to anything. Ask anyone close to me and they will tell you I don't even like r.s.v.p.ing to events just because I never know how I will feel. But with holding onto my faith & complete trust in God I know that hope comes in the morning and I can truly trust in him to see me through any and all situations that come my way. So here I go I have purchased the 21 day fix and shakeology. I have so many friends and family members that are selling this and I just felt bad buying from anyone person, maybe that's wrong thinking :0( but either way here I go. I'm gonna do it. Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world. Over the past 7+ years I have endured and overcame pancreatitis, the removal of 1 ovary and burning of my felopian tubes due to multiple cyst, I have also had chronic back pain from herniated disk w/the early onset of osteo arthritis, & battle frequent kidney stones, that is just the many health battles I alone have faced. We have endured as a family many ups and down through a very broad range of circumstances. I choose not to be afraid of failure for if I hit a bump in the road we pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. I got this because God has me! Will write back soon to update you! Much love and many prayers! ~Rocky

There is strength to emptiness

There is a strength to emptiness and brokenness, it's through those moments we do 1 of 2 things, we either come to a place where we feel like giving up or we our driven to reach for strength and endurance. Now we can all very easily come to a place of defeat and a feeling of hopelessness but know it is in those moments of great burden and pain that something in us causes us to fight and push through. Don't be afraid to cry till you have no more tears, don't be afraid to feel so weak that your own 2 feet can't even carry you. If you are pushing through that very situation in your life, know that things get better and though you may not be able to feel as though your are able to carry yourself through this moment, reach & reach high for a strength, for a peace that can only come from God. Don't give up even when you feel there is no where else to go. It has been through my deepest & darkest ,moments where I was broken, where I was lost but once pushing through those very moments I was given a strength beyond comprehension, I was given a love and peace beyond anything I have ever felt. My brother suffered a major medical accident going on 4 years now and as a result he has suffered a severe anoxic Brian injury, and there are moments where I just want to remember the good, I just want to remember him being a little boy and loving me through my most unlovable moments, I just want to remember him loving my kids and being the most amazing uncle there ever was. And though he only has 1 sister and no biological brothers many to this day call him their brother, that is the impact he has made. and even though I can reflect on those happy memories something always brings me back to the here and now ,of how much I miss him and how I would do anything to have him as he was, back here with us. But than that still small voice pulls me back and reminds me to enjoy the here and now and love him and embrace him as he is but also never give up on what he can become. That is still my brother, inside there is still that little loving amazing boy I grew up with. Brother oh how I miss you, I don't need to say I miss your smile Any more because over the years you have shown us a new smile, I'm coming to visit soon. Can't wait to hug you, and just enjoy your smile & the peacefulness to who you are. As long as there is a tomorrow I will never give up brother, never ever!I  love u!

Tell someone they are beautiful

As I walked into our local CVS I couldn't help but notice a beautiful elderly woman's face glowing, I wanted to tell her that her make-up was very nicely done, however I chickened out. Later I found myself behind her at the check out, as she began to walk out I told her that her make-up was done very nicely, and she turned and looked at me for a second and said "really?" I continued to let her know how she looked very beautiful and her face was glowing, she told me "Thank you so much that really helps me, I just left the hospital after two weeks and I only had a small mirror to work with." She smiled at me with true gratitude. With that said I was so happy that I didn't just keep my thoughts to myself, from how grateful she sounded it was as if she really needed to hear that she looked beautiful, and she truly did look beautiful. You never know what the people around you have been battling, it could be a simple smile or compliment that lifts their spirit giving them strength to keep moving forward. Remember we Are fearfully and wonderfully made. <3 Psalms 139:14

Living each day moment by moment

I have been deep into making sure to read each morning when I get up and at night before I go to sleep, my current reads are 100 ways to love your husband, by Lisa Jacobson, Making Marriage work and Good health Good life by Joyce Meyer, right now these books are seriously life changing books for me and I definitely encourage you to take a chance at adding them to your list of books to read. Last year our church gave us an awesome chance to share our testimony about Isaac,with the members of our church through a short video they filmed, it was seriously an amazing opportunity! This year has started off being a very blessed year from our oldest son visiting home from the Marines to a bit of a difficult one from my husband, myself and 3 of my kiddos coming down with the flu, which has given me extra time to dive into my books & Gods word, seriously providing me with such an amazing peace through these moments. I haven't taken the time to write in a while,1 because a lot of times I'm seriously so busy and overwhelmed with just the day to day duties, 2 I'm very self conscious of my grammar errors and just overall always jumping all over the place with my writing & 3 I just had so many things going on & I didn't know of any one thing to focus my writing on. So let's just start with Isaac, he was out of school for almost 2 months, since he was unable to receive his pamidronate infusion because his vitamin D was severely low and his dr. wanted us to get his levels up before we moved forward. Talk about a tough trying several months, you would think he was the one suffering the most through it but he faced it like the champ that he truly is. In those months he had 2 surgeries, several broken ribs, legs, arms and even a spinal fracture. I am seriously so greatful for the peace & true strength God gives to Isaac. If your a bit at a loss on where I'm at, and what happened to him that he was going through so much, let me catch you up as fast I can, Isaac was born in July 2004, when I was pregnant with him we found out about 5 months in that he had a form of dwarfism, he had broken ribs in Utero, a broken femur, the Dr also told us he had 6 fingers & he wouldn't live passed birth, since his ribs would cave in on his lungs, he was diagnosed with Osteogenesis Imperfecta also know as OI and brittle bones. We were sent to a genetics specialist and we were given the option to terminate. Well here is the link to our testimony if you would like to know more about our journey please follow here https://www.facebook.com/IsaacsWheels where we share more of Isaacs story on his FB page. Alright so like I said when I write I tend to be all over the place but let me get to what I wanted to share with you. Through these past few weeks of our struggles I have been really taking in a lot from my prayer time and the books that I am reading. If you are going through big struggles right now I pray that you are able to find peace through these moments and that you're being strengthened through each moment of struggle & through every tear that you shed. Know that we are Gods most beautiful artwork, and some of the most beautiful art pieces are made from broken glass pieced together to reveal true and one of a kind art work. Know that if you reach out and pray for God to give you peace and strength through your brokenness he is slowly piecing you together to reveal the true beauty he has called you to walk in. Allow your brokenness to be the thing that allows you to reach out to God with true desire to better know him and leave the worries of tomorrow in his hands. Now if you are struggling with just day to day life, stop.....take a deep breath and know that right now, this very moment is a gift, every second of every minute of every hour of every day is a blessing, stop....and take time to cherish the many blessings God has given to you, be it hugs from your spouse and or children to the beautiful sunrise in the morning or beautiful moon and stars at night. The book I am reading Good Health Good Life really is helping me to reflect on the here and now, and focus on each moment taking in that it is a true blessing. There are so many things I can sit here and focus on that at the moment definitely would cause my heart to grieve, but I'm also surrounded by oh so many blessings, which overwhelm my heart with such a joy and peace that give me a strength like I have never known. We weren't made to endure and go on this journey alone, wether you find peace in the smiles from your child/children to the embrace of your husband or the support of a friend, now if you are finding your self feeling alone.... know that God is there ready to embrace you and give you strength, peace & joy to get through the struggles you are now going through. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog and allowing me to share with you the word God has so gracefully placed on my heart! I promise to be back soon and not take such a long break! Prayers & love <3 ~Rocky

God has a purpose for you

Its a beautiful day and I'm thankful for the many Blessings God continues to place in my life, as reminders he is always there even in the toughest of storms. Well as usual its been forever since I have been able to take the time and post, but I know that when God places it in my heart to do so I'm not going to say no. Lets just say this post is for you! Whether you are feeling lonely, tired, overwhelmed, or maybe just not sure of things to come. Yesterday the message at church was awesome and really woke me up out of what I felt at the time was despair. Pastor Lundy talked about being a Barnabas leader. We can choose to be a black whole and suck life out of those around us draining them, or we can be a Barnabas, and be uplifting, encouraging and placing inspiration in peoples lives, reminding them that God has a purpose for them! WOW...... I'm not gonna lie, at 1st when I heard the message, in my head I was thinking..... God I really am tired of being a Barnabas leader, Ive been trying my best Lord for about 15 years, and I'm just exhausted.......(continuing to plead with God in my head) I have nothing left to give. God what about me, where is a Barnabas planting in my life?! Why this, why that?! I became angry, hurt & questioned where God was at that very moment of weariness. Don't get me wrong I have an amazing Husband, children, and parents who Love me, and I am blessed to have in my life, but like I said I was in a moment of despair. Its been a few years now that I have been amidst some of the biggest struggles in my life, Clinging on to God w/the tips of my fingers, but as I type this I might have been so caught up in the struggles & pain in my life, instead I think I was hanging onto, hurt, pain, and emptiness w/my fingertips, all the meanwhile God was trying to loosen my grip. I know there is a time that God calls us to come forth out of our struggles, rising above them giving them to him. Don't be hard on yourself for letting the trials of this life overtake you, rise up and know in your heart it is never to late to release them to God. Let me tell you, yesterday I needed that reminder and though I had my moments of self pity & uncertainty (Pretty strong moments) Yesterday God reminded me that planting into others life's, & sharing what he has and continues to do in mine, blesses me more than anything I could ever ask.
 I am in awe yet again that in my darkest moments, in moments when I just couldn't see things getting better, God rescued me, filled me, and carried me to my next season! If you take anything from this Post know you are fearfully & wonderfully made, You are loved & you are precious in God's sight! Your value is far more than you can even begin to imagine!

Sorry if at times my post may seem to be the same, but this life continues to be a lesson, and if I can share the encouragement that God has placed on my heart, which has given me strength to rise up and move forward than I have to share <3 always="" font="" size="5"> love  & prayers4U & yours <3 font="" r="">ocky<3 br="">




I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

P.S. I haven't had a chance to update on my kiddos but here are some fam. Pics! <3>

Saying goodbye to our young man as he headed back to San Diego. <3>

And here was our end of the year pic ;o) Isaac started Standing (Lots of hard work on his part)! <3 br="">

This was the day my son graduated and became a U.S. Marine!!! <3>

<3visiting font="" size="5">w/Sis before Surgery <3 font="">

Cheering on our Marine!!!!!! <3>

Our Family pics. before our guy headed to boot camp. <3>

  Last but not least remember you are never to old to go for a swing!!! Take time to Enjoy Life! <3>

ROCKY! <3>

Practicing grad day!

 I have to say being a mother has many rewards, from seeing your child for the 1st time & carrying them in your arms, to watching them take there 1st steps, starting kindergarten, then jr. high and next thing you know high school. As anyone knows who has read my past post I am a mother to 6 awesome children, all of whom are truly amazing (It's not a bias opinion ;o)I promise) Well my oldest has recently left the nest, he left to become a MARINE in Sept., He graduated November 16th & is now a U.S. Marine. Talk about an emotional year. Letting him go was one of the hardest things I've had to do in this lifetime. Missing him intensely over the 3 months as he was training, waiting to get his letters just to know he was doing ok. And then the grand moment when we were able to set our eyes on our son for the 1st time in 3 months. Staring in awe as he marched in unison w/his platoon practicing for graduation day. Wondering how much of my son had changed and realizing for the 1st time, he left home and became a man in 3 months. We raise our kids praying that we do the best to our ability to one day let them go off in the world on their own to begin their future. He is home visiting but leaves this weekend, as much as I want to hold on to him every second that he is here, I have to continue to learn to let go. A mother will always be a mother no matter how old her child is. In all honesty this has been a very painful process but at the same time, it has given me a new sense of pride in being a MOM. I am so blessed, regardless of the obstacles that come my way and may change my focus for a moment in time, it's the smiles, the laughter and the hugs that remind me, how every second of being a mom is a blessing. Even through the bickering & fighting that they seem to love to do, I have come to realize one day I will miss those times along with the messes they make. Hug your children tighter, cherish every moment with them because time is one thing we can never get back. I have 6 amazing children and a husband who loves me intensely! & for that I am BLESSED! To be transparent Things are far from perfect, My brother has been in a state of a coma for 2+ years & it still hurts as though it happened yesterday, We have been trying to make sure Isaac see's all the dr's he needs to esp. since he has been having some issues w/his bladder (He got Uro-Sepsis and was in ICU a few months back), I also struggle daily w/ chronic back pain but have come such a long way. I include these things in this post as reminder that we all face many different trials in this life time, but through it we are given so many more blessings to set our eyes on. It isn't always easy trying to focus on the blessings when sometimes it feels like life is falling down around you, but appreciating life in general and taking each day one day at a time loving,being Loved & always knowing storms will pass no matter how long of a storm we may feel we are in, it's up to us to move forward in & through the storms of life. Be strong in faith & Love! God Loves you & so do I! Rocky

Hi everyone, guess who is going to DISNEYLAND for his BIRTHDAY?!?!?! Yep ISAAC!!!!!! His BIRTHDAY is July 13th and we will be in DISNEYLAND the actual day of his BIRTHDAY!!!!! Yay!!! We plan on surprising him with a special "BIRTHDAY" basket the morning of his BIRTHDAY, and I am asking that you join us virtually for his Special day at his favorite place!!!!! By either sending something DISNEY related to our home so we can add to his BIRTHDAY basket or send him a DISNEY gift card that he can use in DISNEYLAND. If neither of those are convenient I have added a donation bar, and any money gifted to him will be used to purchase DISNEY Dollars or a DISNEY gift card so that he can purchase some DISNEY fun on his special trip. If you are unable to do any of the above, either way send him some BIRTHDAY LOVE on my wall, He will be ecstatic seeing all the love and reading through them. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post, He is scheduled for surgery the 1st week in August and being that he is older, he is feeling a bit apprehensive so I thought this would be a great way to focus his attention on something he absolutely loves doing! Lots of DISNEY Love 4 you & yours!

It has been so long since I have been able to keep you all posted on the things going on in my life. I was down & out for some time where the pain in my life had just consumed me, though I was wearing a smile on my face it was only a painted on picture over the pain, over the tears, over all of the things in my life, that I just couldn't fully understand. I prayed through the storms of life yet I felt empty, I felt alone & was left not understanding what I was doing wrong. Well I fought & fought through those emotions I was left with, pain in my heart from missing my brother & feeling so helpless, physical pain that I continued to trust that God was removing with time, Pain from seeing the pain that my children were dealing with, that I wanted so bad to take away, The feeling of isolation, feeling that I had to remain strong because that is what people expected of me, & that is what I have come to expect from myself.  The thoughts are flowing so fast from my heart I feel like it is called of me to tell it like it as it flows from my heart directly onto this blog. We are just man looking for love & looking to love, but I can not express to you enough that unless we know the realness and to the depths of Gods love we can never give or receive that Love as God has intended us to. This is no way to boast in fact it is just the opposite, I have heard it said to me so many times, God has called you, He only gives to people what he knows they can Handle, God wouldn't take you to it unless he was going to bring you through it. Well all those things have stuck with me through the years and I felt that I had to keep that smiling face on, I had to remain that strong Christian woman that others thought I was. The woman that people don't call to see how I am because they just expect me to be good, or the woman that doesn't get a call because people don't know what to say. I am the one that since I have faced so many things feeling alone I know how others feel & try my best to rush to their side in some of their most trying times. Well let me just cut to where I am going with this post. I was alone because I chose to be alone, I appeared to be strong because it was God giving me the strength that I needed to get through that particular moment in time. Did I throw you off? Don't worry I will try my best to explain to you where I am going with this. Most of the time when I appeared to be strong that was real & that was the strength I received from God, but the times where I disappeared & was nowhere to be heard of or even seen that was because I was in my most weakest of times & I didn't want others to see me as such. We are all allowed natural human emotions, it is what we decide to do during those moments in life that determine our true strength. If most of the time I appear to be strong because those are the moments I choose to be forthcoming with, than not only am I not being transparent to those who care about me but I'm fooling myself. A person who can go to others when they are hurting, when they feel weak, when they are in need of prayer are stronger than a person who appears to be strong a 100% of the time but are hiding a good 40% of the time when they are not. I have failed at many things in my life & 2 weeks ago God showed me clear as day why that is. I tend to start something completely driven but lose ambition 30% into it. I had some major 1on1 time with God & told him everything in my heart, who was I fooling he already knows it all anyhow, he was just waiting for me to be real with him. God I don't understand why I am still in this pain I have trusted that you would take it from me but its still here, God my son is working so hard to walk & telling me how he is going to & its 7 years later & he still isn't, God I get so upset that others can not believe that my brother will be healed & they think we are setting ourselves up for disappointment, why can you just show them that you really can heal. God all these things in my life are based around extreme faith & I have always felt that I have had just that, but now I am beginning to wonder why. & in that peaceful calm moment I felt ashamed but God embraced me with his love & All I could feel at that very moment was his unexplainable love, he wasn't dissapointed in me for those feelings, for those questions. Its in those moments he uses to recharge my faith, its in those moments where I am reminded why I continue to choose to walk this walk. I don't walk this faith walk because of what he can do for me, I walk this walk because it is through that Faith that I am given the hope to hold onto his promises. How much easier is it to except from the life we have been given, how much easier is it to walk away from something because we except it as we see it. Faith is not believing what we see! It's believing in what we don't yet see. It's so simple that we make it so complicated. When I am crying in my room that hopeless painful cry, God uses my son Isaac to speak to me...."Mommy its going to be ok, Jesus will heal you, You just have to keep believing" How simple yet powerful is that. Here my 7 year old son who wasn't even suppose to live past birth, who faces challenges every day, & works hard so that one day he can walk, is reminding me, Mom it's going to be ok, we are Healed because that is Jesus' promise to us. That is why we walk this walk. Forgive me if I sound all over the place but for the past 3 days I have felt defeated all over again, upset at life, upset about life. God has given us his word as his promises, it is up to us to stand firm in the things that he has promised to & for us. How easy is it to give up & move on to the next & keep doing so hoping that one day things will work out just because they are suppose to. That's pretty easy in fact that is pretty cowardly. I was being a coward full of self pitty & it took my 7 year old to stir up in me & remind me why we walk this faith Journey. God is a good God, who loves us, never leaves & never forsakes us. It is us who choose to walk away because we aren't happy with his timing. I am reminded this day it is Gods timing not ours. I know that he has given to me, many many many blessings in my life & I choose this day not to take them for granted. It is so easy for us to throw our hands up and say God I just can't do this any more I just cant, & that is when we are able to hear that still small voice remind us we can't but God can. Wow he is so good. He loves us not because we are worthy of his love, he Loves us because he is God, he has called us, now we just need to make a choice to listen. Thank you for listening as I shared my heart, I know it might not make sense to you but God has used it to click something in my spirit & for that I am greatful! I pray for you this day that if you are feeling hopeless that you are reminded to throw up your hands & give it to God, alone we are nothing and can do nothing but Gods power is great! I know that God has a purpose for your life & it is up to you to make a decision to walk in that purpose. Though you may not understand at this very moment why you are faced with the certain trials in your life, put your hope, faith & trust in him and one day the clarity will be given to you along with such peace. The trials we face in this life are not only used as stepping stones to grow stronger in Christ through them, but we can make a choice to share with others the trials we have been faced with, but have overcome with Gods help, that they to can make those same choices. I pray for clarity in your heart over your mind. Let not these circumstances in life be in vain but turn these test into your testimony! Share Gods love, share your story, someone may be in need to hear it today! I love you & God Loves you! <3 Straight from my heart 2 yours! <3

Never giving up Faith

First of all I have started a blog special just for my brother, I haven't updated my own personal blog in a while. So now I'm taking the time to do so. Oh where oh where do I begin, I have thought of several ways to start this post and different things I wanted to say in it. I have decided just to write what is on my heart, straight from my heart (emotions and all). First of all Isaac has been doing really good he went a couple of

weeks ago for his Pam Treatment. He is able to get up and off of the couch all on his own, and get this....... the other day I caught him trying to come up the stairs and told him not to do it because it is very dangerous. Well did that stop him? It sure didn't! Don't ask me how because I am at a loss for words and can only imagine the journey it was for him to get up those stairs, but he did it...all the way to the top and to my room. I was upset and proud all at the same time. He has also started weight baring and is able to stand up supporting about a good 70% of his weight, it's a matter of time before he is walking. Isn't that awesome?!?! The God we serve is so faithful his promises are real and my son will be walking real soon in Jesus Name. The kids are all doing so good, Frankie still has his heart set on joining the Marines and as hard as it is for me to let go I have to trust and know that God will take care of my children as he always has done and continues to do. Mia is such a little sassy pants, she seems to have the "Only Child" Syndrome which must have a lot to do with her being the baby of the bunch. Reanna is growing up way too fast for my taste and she is so beautiful, witty and full of humor like her dad but on a cooler tip...LOL! Matthew has his days but really has a loving side that makes me smile and happy when he shows it. Alyssa is thinking everyday how she can make it big one day to roll in the dough, we get a kick out of her and know she will put her heart and mind to do some great things just as all our children will do, today I told her honey put God first and he will provide, she looks at me and says "Mom I know I'm just trying to plan on ways to earn money also". All I can say is I'm so blessed I pray that God continues to do his work in me so that I can enjoy the many blessings he has given to me. God is so awesome his love and mercy is good and endures forever. Now to share with you about my brother I have to write here instead of his blog because I am using his blog solely for updates and encouraging tidbits, well on my blog I'm not gonna hold back and be on reserve. On Father's Day my brother was rushed to Kaiser ER. turned out he had sepsis they overly sedated him and didn't take the precautions needed! Because he was so heavily sedated he was suffering from sleep apnea which they did nothing to prevent him from blocking his air passage. Well the following day he stopped breathing and went into cardiac arrest the whole event took a total of 6 minutes before my brother was brought back to us. My mom was in the room and had to bring it to the nurses attention that he had stop breathing. To this day it is very hard for her to get that day out of her head. The neurologist have told his wife, my mom and basically my whole family that there is no hope that he will ever fully come back to us , and he has severe brain damage (That lying Devil!). The only thing they forgot that the Almighty God has the final say and is the ultimate Physician. I went to a family meeting last week and the Doctor said this "When I met Joey he was dead and I brought him back" Now when I hear that I can't help but think how naive some smart people can really be!!! God allowed that Doctor to be used to bring my brother back that Dr was just a vessel to work out the plan of God, if it was God's will for my brother's life to be over then that would have been it, but it wasn't time. God allowed that Doctor to assist my brother back to life. We are going on over a month of him being in the hospital and the doctors have pretty much given up hope on any type of full recovery (again.... God is the almighty Dr and has the final say). I'm typing this right now because earlier I asked Tamra to email me a picture and she did, the tube is out of his nose and he now has a tracheal tube in place with a peg in his stomach for feeding. When she sent me that picture he looked wide awake so I had to make it over there I just had to see him. Let me tell you....this has been right up there with one of the most trying times in my life and as most of you know I have had my fair share of trying times as most of us do. So anyhow I get there and he's sleeping. After a bit of being there he wakes up and his eyes are wide open, I begin to talk to him telling him how much I love him and how much I miss him. He's laying there just looking and then closes his eyes. Ok can I share with you my emotional part..........ok well either way let me say this I know the God I serve and I know that he is the God that healeth thee, he is able to do exceedingly and abundantly. All I can think about is the day I went to the last family meeting and I said this Boldly and without any doubt "My son is here today defying what Doctors said, If I would have listened to the doctors I would have aborted my son because scientifically speaking they said he would die shortly after birth and because of faith and the mighty works God does he is alive today and being a testimony to many people and touching many lives!". Again as I usually state in my blogs I would be lying if I said this doesn't hurt beyond words and if a part of me wasn't completely broken. I am....... I truly am..... and I cried the whole way home. My husbands words to me as he constantly reminds me to see my brother as he will be and to see him as the mighty man of God that is going to come back to us real soon. I cry because it is hard to be patient, I cry because I want to hear Sissy I love you, I cry because I want him to look at me and know he see's me and can respond. I love him dearly and one thing is for certain God is doing some mighty and awesome things through this process.

His wife is truly a loving and wonderful person that I have gotten the pleasure to really get to know. My brother is very blessed to have her in his life. My brother is such an awesome person so full of life,love and personality. When we were younger and he would see my mom or I crying and going through different things, he would be gone for a while and come back with flowers in attempts to cheer us up. He walked me down the isle when I was 18 years old and has always been there for me even when he couldn't physically be here as much because he started his new life with his wife. Now with all of that said do you see why I'm not allowed to blog my emotions on his direct blog? LOL I'm full of emotions but I'm also a faith-filled individual. Not only did God do some awesome things with Isaac and he is continuing to do the work in him today 6 years later but he also spared my oldest son who got really sick several years ago, again defying the Odds and what the doctors said he lived through the sickness and though they said he wouldn't he walked out of that hospital after being there for months. So I tell you this... it doesn't always matter what some of the doctors may say,because God is the ultimate physician. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful to the many great dr's out there but regardless we must continue to live by faith and not by site. I was 4 months pregnant when they told me Isaac wouldn't live past birth and faith had to be present for 5 additional months in order for us to see God's promises come to pass, and here we are 6 years later and God is still revealing things to us and still continuing a work in him. Waiting is never easy but it is all God's timing, if he did it on our timing then the many things that he is allowing to take place wouldn't be taking place. This is hard yes, and that's why I'm sitting here typing up this blog because as broken as I feel I have even greater faith and trust in God and know that he is ABLE and I praise his mighty name and thank him in advance for all the thing he is continuing to do. Ok I know my blogs are always all over the place but this is as real as I can be, straight from my heart and if you take anything with you let it be this scripture: He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.Matthew 17:20 That is one of my all time favorite scriptures. A mustard seed is very small, it is not even required for us to have great faith but even a little bit of faith and God is able to work. For those of you that struggle with faith and doubt ask God to help you with your doubt and to increase your faith. Say this Prayer Dear Lord I ask that you forgive me of my sins, I know that you are able to do the impossible, Father God I pray that you help me with my doubt and unbelief Father God fill me with your peace and give me the faith to get through this situation. I know you will never leave me nor forsake me and I thank you Jesus in your mighty name I pray Amen

That's it for now until later I pray many Blessings your way
~ Rocky

Each Day is a Blessing

So this past Sunday my family and I went to Monterey to take some Mother's day pics, it was a beautiful day we visited the beach had some goodies and were on our way to get hot cocoa for the kids. Isaac was playing in the sand on the beach and Daddy put him in the stroller, I always double check to make sure he's buckled but this one time I forgot, My oldest son was pushing him and decided to let my 10 year old push him, he ran into a curb and Isaac fell out of his stroller onto the concrete, I was horrified and picked him up and walked to the car with him. HE was crying that his leg and hurt and he couldn't breath I thought for sure he broke his ribs, leg and jaw. I started praying immediately for Isaac to be OK and for Peace because I was rushing to the closest hospital hyperventilating and so close to fainting. Reanna my oldest daughter was trying to comfort him and he told her that he was dying she broke down and started crying. We took him in and they started an I.v and gave him morphine on the spot before they even attempted to move him. By this time he had a shiner that had his eye sealed shut. He was lethargic and not responding much. They kept him on morphine the whole time we were there and x-rayed him from head to toe, they couldn't get over how cute and helpful he was. I called our Pastor who called all the prayer warriors in the church everyone was praying for Isaac. The Doctor came back and told us he didn't have one single big fracture, if anything there could be a hairline fracture. Talk about a miracle. Isaac has broken from far less, even though his little eye is hurt God was really protecting him, The next day I just cried and cried thinking about all the would have should haves and could haves but I got a lot of support from family and friends to help me through it. Anyhow Isaac had been scheduled a week in advance for surgery today to repair his arm. I tried to hold off but the persistent Doctor he has wouldn't go for it, now that I think about it I should have put my foot down on this one. Anyhow he had surgery today which went really well, however Isaac is really sick now pale and not holding anything down, he has a history of low Blood sugar and I'm praying real hard through this for my little guy. He truly is so strong I wish so bad that I could take all this from him and deal with it for him. God has made him so strong and he is such a little fighter. So many times I hear people say God has made you so strong but I'm going to be honest with you at this very moment I don't feel strong, I feel hurt and tired. I know God will see us through yet another trying time in our lives because that is his promise to give strength to the weak and Lord I'm weak, My Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father you know my heart Lord and I ask that you forgive me of my sins. Dear God so often this weight I bare seems to be too much and I just want it to go away. Father God you are the Lord that healeth thee, Lord I thank you so much for my son's healing. Father God I pray for your peace right now Lord your peace that surpasses all understanding. I know you are doing something in our lives Father God and I thank you even through the storms I love you and will praise you all the days of my life in Jesus Name I Pray. well that's it for now I just really felt I needed to get this all Down I know God is here watching over us and making Isaac stronger with each passing day. Always remember that each day is a blessing and cherish it. Cherish the ones you love and live life to the fullest trusting in God and giving him complete control for he knows your sorrow's he knows whats in store for you so cast all your burdens unto him. ~ Rocky

People in life don't make us who we are but help us to be who we aren't

People will come and go in life some will take a piece of your heart with them and others will leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth. Well as whoever in blog world that reads this know's we have had a tough several months. Little by little my back is getting better and I'm so happy. On another note Isaac hasn't had a fracture in about a year and on the way in to the hospital for his pam treatment his blanket got caught on the wheel of his stroller I ran it over and it twisted and broke his poor ankle. It was a tough day but lot's of people supported through prayers and sweet comments on facebook. He was in pain the day it happened and didn't complain after I know I sound like a broken record but it couldn't be any truer he is sooo strong and it amazes me with each passing day. I don't doubt what so ever that he will be walking very soon, now if we can only get these doctors and Pt's to work together in stead of making life so difficult. Sometime life can feel pretty lonely like you just don't have the true friends you are looking for in life. But I know deep down inside God is doing something in me and preparing me for a place I have never been, amd he raising me up fpr greater thing's to come. My oldest talks and talks about joining the Marines as proud as I want to be for him wanting to proudly serve our country the selfish part of me doesn't want to let him go for fear I might lose him to some nonsense war :o( but God did not give me a spirit of fear but of power of love and of a sound mind (II Timothy 1:7) Mia turned 4 this month and she really is so independent and I have come to the realization that she is truly my last baby, I always imagined me ending with 7 but she's it and what a little blessing she is, as are all my babies. Reanna is more and more beautiful with each passing day but she is a pre-teen and we bump bump bump heads, oh did I mention we bump heads but can also be the best of friends at times. Alyssa is so sweet gets great grades, cleans up after her self and does homework without being told but boy can she get stubborn but how sweet and lovng she is!. Matthew is sweet and loving in his own special way but only when he wants to, otherwise catch him on a bad day and Wow Wow wow (Lord help me) but oh how I love when he shows me love I know it really comes from his heart. Isaac get's frustrated sometimes but he is so determined I know only good things will come of it, wow does he teach me what real strength is. I'm looking forward to moving at some point to a bigger place. Well hubba Bubba is looking over my shoulder and stopping my train of thought so I will try and write at a later time, Honestly I don't even know where I was going with this blog just thought it's been a while so had to get something down. Be back soon maybe with something a little more interesting to share. For now here are some pictures reflecting this month so far, one last thing I forgot to mention Alyssa turned 8 last month where does the time go. 14 years of marriage this year Wow! One last thing people in life don't make us who we are but help us to be who we aren't Many Blessings your way always!

~ Rocky

God gives us the Strength to make the right choices

I'm actually sitting up in bed today not laying down its a week and 1 day after my surgery, the first thing that comes to my mind as I type up this blog is WOW I never knew how strong my son really was until this very moment. I have known he was strong but not as clear as this. This has been a tough week in deed, I think it kinda made me realize who's with me for the count and where my true friends and Family are. The recovery process has been slow, they say to really rest for 2 weeks because that's how long it could take to really start feeling better, trust me I haven't had the option to not rest, my mom has been here, cleaning, taking care of the kids, picking up the kids and being there every step of the way not letting me get out of bed unless it was just to get some circulation so I don't get any blood clots in my veins. I got my stitches out this week and have gone back and forth between doctor and ER because the wound kept on opening, and is now open! I give up, let it just heal the way it is and I pray I don't get any infection or further complications from this surgery. By the way the surgery was to remove my last working tube, I was told that my tube was so badly damaged that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant past a tubal pregnancy and we had to be sure there was nothing cancerous in there. Who's report will you believe, we shall believe the report of the Lord. God gives us the wisdom to do the right things and make the right choices and I did pray about this and as much as I didn't want the choice of no more children made for me I felt it was the best decision for my health. This was really hard for me the week of my surgery because that really was a huge decision to make and I cried even when my husband and I decided together it was the best thing for me. So many times I find myself asking God, Lord why me.....I'm tired Lord please Lord I feel like I have exhausted all strength and I can't do this. That's when he reminds me he chose me to do this so that I can turn it around and be a witness to someone in need and I tell you in another very difficult time in my life there is just no getting through without him. When you feel like you just can't bare another trial remember he will see you through remember its not about the friends or family that call you or come to see you but the prayers that go up in your honor. I'm praying really hard to allow God to let that settle easy in my heart because this has been a lonely process but for whatever reason this is the way it turned out to be. I pray that through your hard times it's not people you look to, to see you through but its our heavenly Father and he honors our prayers when it is his will for our lives. Well that's it for now I'll be sure to try and check back soon within the next month. Isaac will be getting his cast off soon and we will be able to see how straight his arm is, Can't wait. Lots of Love and prayers your way!
~ Rocky

There are many times and situations in our lives where we feel helpless

Today was his big day for his last surgery for a while. The surgery was about 4 1/2 hours long he did really good . Pain management was good most of the day and he slept most of the day as well, he woke up once as I gave him his toys and slowly drifted off to sleep. At about 10:00p.m the pain was so extreme he was given Morphine and Lortap and was screaming at the top of his Lungs "Mommy Mommy I can't take the pain please Mommy it hurts" I can't even begin to tell you how much this tore me up inside. I can't even stop the tears as I write this. I'm thankful that he is now finally sleeping after over an hour of trying to get the pain down. Words can not express the emotions I have at this very moment it is such a helpless feeling. He was pleading with me to help him and there was nothing I could do. I began to pray for him pleading myself with God to take this pain from him. There are many times there are situations in our lives where we feel helpless and start pleading with God to take it away. The Nurse told me, we have to stay ahead of the pain or once it comes on as strong as it did, it's like playing catch up and we have to work even harder to lessen the pain. It wasn't until his 3rd dose of morphine and some nausea medicine that he is finally resting peacefully now. This made me think about life. A lot of times we let our trials and situations pile up on top of us so bad we get to the point where we are left pleading with God, when its to the point we can't take it any more. As painful as this is for me to see my son in this unbearable pain I have to try and find something positive out of this because I refuse to let any of this be in vain. He is really so strong and even though he had this moment where the pain was unbearable he made this choice so that he could have 2 straight strong arms, he knew it would hurt but he also knew the good that would come out of this, and the strong brave boy he is he made the choice all on his own to do this, and I know that God is going to give him the peace to get him through. I don't even know if I'm making any sense right now but one thing I have to say is don't let life's situations become so overwhelming you get to the point where your pleading with God and you feel so helpless. We serve an awesome and mighty God who is just waiting for us to reach out to him so that he can pick us up. My strong Baby boy is resting peacefully now and his pain is now at a minimal. In that I find peace in the fact that this is going to give him so many more opportunities to be more independent and soon walk I find peace. I will never give up on God because I know he is seeing us through even the most trying of times. Love and Prayers always ~ Raquel

How Great is our GOD

I thought a lot today about whether I truly felt ready to post and if I did what exactly was I going to say, and I have decided to just write as I feel. I know God will allow this to come across the way it is meant to be. Tears flood my eyes as I think back through the years and even to this very minute, I have used this blog to try and inspire those that feel there is no hope and to trust in God always but at the same time I have been one of those people that at very many times has felt a loss of hope. a lot of times I may seem like a broken record but let me tell you, this is no easy journey, sometimes it gets so hard I truly forget to give it to God remembering how dear I really am to him. I want to write this prayer as it is in my heart: Lord you are the Lord that healeth thee you are the Lord who never leaves us nor forsakes us you are the ever lasting father I trust in you this day not only with my life but with my heart, with my health, my husband and most importantly my children. Lord so many times I feel like this weight is too much to bare and I cry till I feel near numb, Lord I know you know the desires of my heart and oh God I pray this day you carry me through. Lord please Pick me up and carry me through because I can no longer use my own feet to walk as the pain is too much to bare. You are my Lord and Savior you have always brought me through even the worst of trials even when there seemed to be no other way. I will always continue to trust in you. I thank you in advance for my healing I thank you in advance for my sons healing, I thank you for sending your son on the cross so that I may have eternal Life. Lord use me this day to be a witness to someone in need, I may grow weary but with your strength I can overcome these things that are thrown my way. In Jesus Name i pray Amen:

Ok I really felt I had to do that, today I was driving home very weary and in I was crying out to God "WHY?" I decided to turn on one of my favorite songs "How Great is our God" and let me tell you I broke I have been playing it nonstop for the past hour and just worshiping. Even the strongest of people suffer many many things but it if you let those things knock you so far down and you down get back up then you will be defeated. I've heard it said many times I may get knocked down but only to my knees well i've been knocked to my knees but I willingly fall on my face before the father. I am so grateful for God's peace, for it sustains me and without it I wouldn't be able to face tomorrow. So glad to share that part of my heart.

Isaac is set to go for his last surgery (for a while anyway) and as heart wrenching as those always are to face I'm rejoicing at the strength God has given to him both spiritually and now physically. His teacher was here the other day and she hasn't seen him in about 6 months and she was completely amazed at the progress he has made and how much stronger he is (THANK YOU JESUS) I love my children so much and though at times it can get hard raising 6 children, today while I was worshiping God reminded me that they are his gift to me and WOW what an awesome gift they are. I don't want to keep babbling on and on but I have to share with you one more thing........From past post you know I have had several severe back issues which have led to chronic pain and Kidney stones (God is in Control) and I will continue to stand on that always. but I had to share this....... a couple of weeks ago I went in on an emergency appointment due to some extreme pelvic pain, the Doctor did a pregnancy test and she came back to tell me I was pregnant ( I bursted in tears) and exclaimed how can I be pregnant I only have one ovary and use protection (Sorry for too much info.) and she said I'm sorry but your test is positive and I think you are having a tubal pregnancy. Well you could only imagine the horror and emotions I faced at that moment. AT that point she sent me to have an emergency ultra sound which also confirmed I was having a tubal pregnancy, on my way to the hospital to have an emergency very invasive surgery the doctor calls me and says she made a mistake and my test was really negative! (WOW who does that) I ended up in ER the rest of the night diagnosed with a few different infections. Now I'm on antibiotics and following up with another ultrasound in a couple of weeks because they feel there may be some damage to my other ovary. Let me tell you the enemy is a liar he will try and come at you every angle to trip you up anyway possible. I'll wrap this up now, but always remember things will come our way that we aren't going to like and may even seem unbearable at times but remember who is in control, THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY the God who sent his Son so that we could have eternal life the God who sent his Son so that we may have healing in Jesus name. Know who you are in Christ and don't ever let your situation tell you different. Stand firm in Christ Jesus. Amen and Amen :o) PRAISE GOD!!!!! HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!!!!!!!!

keep on believing and shall never give up!

Well we have been here for nearly 3 days and 3 nights and I have to say this has not been very easy. The Doctor came in today telling me his numbers are up and down again and she is concerned that he may be having issues with his kidneys, she's working through it with a specialist. He has had blood work after blood work. Last wednesday morning he was complaining his ear hurt and I took him in right away but they didn't find anything, 3 doctors looked at him and nothing, but she decided on the day of admitting to give him ear drops just in case. Finally today she decided to dig in there to remove any wax that might be blocking the view and sure enough he has an ear infection which she may think could be the cause of him refusing to eat. WOW 5 days to find out he has an ear infection. I know it's ok to cry as I have, this can be a lonely place not just the hospital but the whole situation. Isaac is truly so strong his spirits are up he's playing and singing like his normal happy self. With the torturing they do in this place I would think he would scream every time a nurse, doctor or lab tech comes in here but not him every one loves him here and they just hate having to torture him the way they do but we have to get down to the bottom of this. Well no matter what these test say or don't say I know we serve an awesome and mighty God who will see us through and he has the final say. I receive my son's healing in Jesus name and I pray that the Lord continue to strengthen me through my sons smile and cheerfulness. It's never easy seeing your child hurt nor is it easy to feel like your going through it alone but I know I'm not alone and many are praying and the Lord is watching over us. I will keep on believing and shall never give up!

Faith on Christmas day

Its 4:oo a.m in the morning December 26 and I just can't sleep. Christmas Morning my little guy wasn't looking good and not holding down food, he looked really pale and he was lethargic. I brought him in to ER only to find out that his blood sugar dropped to a dangerous low of 35 as an emergency precaution they gave him a lot of glucose in his iv, this had a negative effect and shot his blood sugar up to a dangerous high of 495. At this point I was in tears asking the doctor what next. She tried consoling me letting me know that he was so low that it could have cause brain damage so they had to get it high as soon as possible. She was talking about admitting him into ICU due to the numbers being so extreme, shortly after his numbers dropped to 350 so he was admitted to standard pediatrics. He started waking up and talking, his words to me were " Mommy I'm missing Christmas" I told him baby your not missing it we can have Christmas here. His Grammy and Grandpa came and brought him presents which cheered him right up we had music playing as he watched his little buzz lightyear dance to the music. Then we put Elf on and laughed and laughed. He finally fell asleep. I truly can't get over the strength God gives to his children. My sweet little Angel is only 5 years old and has had about 9 surgeries and been in the hospital about 20 times, and he is always a trooper. How can I not be strong with seeing how strong he is. Honestly today I grew very weary and broke down several times just weeping, crying out to God "Lord please can we have a break" It's Christmas can we just have this day" Then I got to thinking Jesus suffered continually for our souls sake. He loved us dearly and suffered day to day so that we could have eternal life. He has given us something that we could never repay. I will never have regret, I may wonder why and have a brief moment of pain but God gives me the strength to get through this. I feel his love and peace and at the same time I know it's ok to cry. I'm very blessed with a beautiful family that I love so much and I know God has some great things planned for us. I will never let any of this be in vain and will use it for his Honor and Glory. Over 5 years ago they told me my son didn't have a fighting chance and he's alive today touching many. I have Faith on this Christmas day and I will continue to have faith always as God is always seeing me through. May you find strength through your time of need. Turn your trials into a testimony to share with someone hurting today. We all face many trials in life it's what you do through those trials that can make an impact in someones life today. Love and Prayers always ~ Raquel

WOW Just look at the difference!!!

So today was Isaacs check up 1 week after his surgery, he had a bit of a tough week. He came home Thursday November 5th a day after his surgery. The first night home was a bit tough and he was in a lot of pain and on meds every 3 hours. The next day he was doing amazingly better, he was moving all around the house as if he didn't just have surgery he was so happy and feeling great and only needing meds every several hours. Well late Friday night he was trying to sit himself up and in the process we all heard the loudest pop followed by him screaming. He broke his left arm and it was absolutely heart breaking. The look on his little face just shattered my heart, you can tell he really felt discouraged and it was one of the hardest things to see on him. Well the next day he was overall doing pretty good but was taking sometime adjusting to only being able to use the lower part of his arm since he broke the upper part. That didn't stop him he still had a smile most of the day and played with his brothers and sisters. We managed to get through the weekend and he took it like the true little champ that he is. So as I was saying today he had his 1 week follow up appointment and they opened up his cast to check out how his arm was healing and I managed to snap a couple of pics with my phone (He was thrilled and wanted me to share with everyone) I was near tears just looking at the difference between arms, being able to see kinda like a before and after example between the 2 arms. His arm is a little swollen from the surgery and a small infection he got from the glue his Doctor used, but aside from that to see how straight his arm is just amazes me. He now has about over 6 inches of length to his arm. I'm so proud of him, words can not describe how much courage I feel he has. I don't know if I would have been able to go through this surgery for him had he not decided on his own to do it, not to mention the day after his surgery he looked at his other arm and said "Mommy when are we going to do the other one?" I've posted some pictures and all I have to say is WOW just look at the difference. We serve a truly amazing God and I will forever praise him for the many blessings he has place in my Life. My children are a constant reminder of his love for us what a precious and priceless gift. My son is such an example of faith and each and every one of my beauties teach me many things with each passing day!!!! I'll be sure to check back soon, if you find any inspiration through reading my blog please be sure to share with others. Thx ~ More to come from Rocky's My lIfe