An Extreme Peace

Well here we go it's the morning of Isaac's surgery I believe this is number 8 and I will be honest it hasn't been as hard has it was the very first time which leaves me wondering how much more of a wreck I was years ago. I'm in tears right now, and it's not at all because I'm scared that he won't be ok because I know God will watch over my baby but it just hurts so much to know the pain he is going to go through. It hurts me so much and I wish I could take the pain but I know I can't so my prayer is that the pain will be a very minimum and he will have a speedy recovery. He was anxious tonight and had a really hard time getting to sleep. I bathed him before 8 to get him relaxed and cozy fed him a late night snack because he can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight but he just couldn't get to sleep. Today was a bit of a tough day, last night he started packing all his toys he wanted to take to the hospital. Yesterday The hospital called me and I registered him over the phone, then today the Nurse called to go over his health histoy and then at night the anesthesiologist called to go over all the basics. It is regulations to let you know of any complications they could run into but really no mother wants to hear that as her son is going in for surgery. Isaac told me today "Mommy I'm a little scared but I will try and be brave." Doesn't that just melt you heart, I know it does mine. I held him and rubbed his head til he fell asleep and now I sit here in tears unable to go to sleep. I figured I would blog to get some things out while I'm a ball of emotions. This journey hasn't been an easy one and if it weren't for all the prayers and the peace that God gives us in these times there is just no way I would be able to get through them. The hardest thing for me and why this just hurts so much, one of course this is my precious baby and no mother wants to see her baby go through this, but he is filled with so much joy and touches so many lives I just wish from the depth of my soul that he didn't have to go through this. The Lord is my strength and I will forever rely on him to see me through. I am a human being and I know it's ok to cry and that's just what I'm doing as I also get all my thoughts out so maybe I can get through this a little easier. So here is the usual process we go in the morning and get all his stats get him dressed and then give him some verced, once he starts to get tired they wheel him off to the operating room then putting him to sleep with gas before they start with the shots. I have to say from the time we get to the hospital it's very hard and I try my best to contain myself so he doesn't see me crying. The hardest time is when they wheel my baby back to the room and I have to say good bye. I plan on videoing him tomorrow as much as I can for later videos I put together to show all the things he has overcome but I know this will be hard. He truly is a blessing from God and is full of so much joy and strength. I'm so blessed to be his mommy and the Mommy to 5 other beauties. He adds so much to my life and it is through his life I have been strengthen and persevered through so much. If your ever going through a hard time always remember to look up. God sent his son to die on the cross so that we could have eternal life, I can't even imagine the pain he bore putting up his son, but that just goes to show how deep his love is for each and everyone of us. Isaac has such a huge testimony that with each passing day only continues to grow. over 5 years ago doctors tried to tell me he would never make it passed birth and to terminate the preganancy and here he is today stronger and growing stronger with each day and touching the lives of many. I'm thanking the Lord greatly because in all these things I find such an EXTREME PEACE I can't even explain. Well I'll be blogging tomorrow I'm sure as we are in the waiting room, the Doctor always says it will be 2 hours and I've now learned to double that time so I don't jump up every time the door opens wondering if it's his doctor. see ya real soon. Love and Prayers!